Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
