Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
