you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
