Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
