You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
