at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
