But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
