i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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