Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
