That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
