...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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