I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
