Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
