he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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