What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize