We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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