Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
