so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
