Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
