Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
