I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She announced her abortion via fbk
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
