We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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