Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
