I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
