That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
