dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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