it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
