I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize