We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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