Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
