PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
