I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
