What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
