I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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