you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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