3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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