Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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