He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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