due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So much Jack, so little girl.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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