You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
