So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
