with your own penis?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
