Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
