You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
