stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
