Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
