i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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