Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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