there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
