I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
