Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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