I think I am morally bankrupt
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
