He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
