i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
