he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
