You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
