what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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