You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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