...so i touched it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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