walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize