you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize