There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
