you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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