i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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