I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
