can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
