I need help removing her.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
