Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I forget how to act sober
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
