Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
