I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
